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Sunday, February 28, 2016

Margaret Spellings Found to Be Overwhelmingly the Worst


Noted homophobe and former Bush crony, Margaret Spellings, will be ascending to the position of UNC School System President this coming Tuesday, putting the final nail in the coffin that now holds the brittle bones of North Carolina's progressive movement. Spellings, who is the worst, is slated to accept changes made by the Republican-run UNC Board of Governors with gusto and regularity, because the checks-and-balances system of government is dead. 

Momentarily dismounting her broom and stifling a cackle, Spelling had this to say (as reported by The Daily Tar Heel) about the role of politics in her position:
"These are all political settings ... and that's the fun of it."
Because the budding futures of our young minds should always be a fun political game. Other games enjoyed by Spellings have been the implementation of Dubya's infamous No Child Left Behind Bill and being paid exorbitant amounts of money to sit on the Apollo Group Board of Directors, the company behind the University of Phoenix.

The failure (and inherent systemic racism employed by) the No Child Left Behind Bill and corruption of for-profit universities aside, Spellings's appointment is a not-very subtle political move by the growing right-wing presence of North Carolina. The remarkably red Board of Governors is, unsurprisingly, elected by the unremarkably red General Assembly of North Carolina (headed by everyone's favorite Lieutenant Governor, Lt. Dan). Pardon me whilst I untangle myself from my string-heavy wall of conspiracies.

It doesn't take a tin foil hat wearing, jet fuel to steel beam ratio measuring, birth certificate enthusiast to smell the bullshit underneath Spellings's nomination. If Pat McCrory's election as governor has taught us anything, it's that conservative lobbyists are very good at keeping a foothold in the South. While North Carolina's urban areas (namely the Triangle) are widely known for being weird liberal pockets, there is a wide swath of the state that still leans heavily red. This isn't because rural people are inherently stupid; rather, it's that they're inherently gullible.

With "fear for our country" currently in vogue, conservative groups and media have been waving the false flag of revolution in a sly attempt to "take back the government" from the morally corrupt. It's sort of like a serial arsonist making a citizen's arrest of a fire marshall. Lobbyists and their talking heads trump up the notion that the country is in danger of vague demons (freedom-hatin' gun-thieves) and convinces people that voting in the flag-bearing, Bible-thumping freedom fighters will turn the country around and improve their stations in life.

This is, presumably, the political fun espoused by Spellings and it's no wonder why she finds the idea so appealing. As UNC System President, she will have a major deciding factor on how the state's massive college and university system shall be run. Being that colleges and universities are one of the last bastions of collective liberalism within North Carolina, this is a terrifying prospect.

Admittedly, much of this is speculation, but with people like Pat McCrory and the Art Pope-run John William Pope Center shilling for you, it's hard not to see the clear and intended trajectory for Margaret as she slithers her way through our educational system.

What should you do about it? I guess just stop going to college and form communes deep in the woods until we emerge decades later to find Trump's preserved head and a committee made up of lifeless piles of money stuffed into suits running our country.