5 Things We Inexplicably Complain About

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and with it comes the expectation that we express our thankfulness for various things ranging from family to flat screens. But we often take the easy road out when straining our selfish little brains for something to be thankful for. After all, thanking god for the food on the table seems a little bit like cheating. Perhaps if it was delivered by cherubs to your table while woodland creatures pranced about singing "What A Wonderful World" you might have cause to thank a divine being. Otherwise, it just seems half-assed. Realizing, however, that coming up with creative recipients for our thanks is difficult, we here at The Daily Wit worked long and hard to give you some ideas. And what better way to find something you're thankful for than by looking at shit you normally bitch about? Thus, a list was born. Without further ado, here are five things we inexplicably complain about.

1. Construction

It impedes your drive to work. It wakes you up at 5am. It ruins your favorite views. Construction is like an annoying child that your significant other wouldn't let you put up for adoption. But, much like that child, you are forced to deal with it for the remainder of your life. There is ample reason to bitch about it. It's loud, invasive, and ruins routines on a daily basis throughout the country. The main grievance with construction tends to be its timing. However, no one ever has a better alternative to whatever time they're currently bitching about. Construction in the morning? Goddamit, I'm trying to get to work! Construction in the afternoon? Fuck you; it's lunch time! Construction at night? Fuckkkkkkk, I'm trying to sleep!

We complain endlessly about construction ruining our day, but I think it's just an excuse for us to bitch and moan with unanimous support from everyone around us. Indeed, throwing your hands up in despair ad then looking to the guy in the other lane incredulously is the quickest way to make a bitch-n-moan friend on the highway. Together you can share glances of disgust while pointing at the construction as if it's gleefully slaughtering puppies. It's true; nobody likes construction. But without it, literally nothing around us would exist. We'd be living under trees and eating dead squirrels and still probably be complaining about whoever grew this tree and how it blocks your view of the river.

2. Air Travel

Complaining about air travel is truly baffling. It's literally the one mode of transportation that gets you anywhere you want to go, yet it's somehow an inconvenience when you choose to do it. Ah, there's the caveat. You fucking choose to do it. Unless you're a high-powered businessman (you're reading my blog; you're not) you never HAVE to travel by air. You could just as easily drive there, albeit spend more time on the road. But, no, you chose to spend exorbitant amounts of money to fucking fly in the air to your destination and make it there in, like, 30 fucking minutes. And yet, when we get to the airport, we're automatically angry and stressed about every little thing. Your luggage is slightly over the weight limit? IT'S A GODDAMN CRISIS! Everyone around you now has to deal with your shitty attitude because you couldn't travel to Denver without your 10 pound biography of Steve Jobs.

As the holidays approach, this complaint will become more and more relevant. If you hate air travel, allow me to deliver some advice: Don't fly on a plane. Drive to Thanksgiving. Sure, it's more dangerous, possibly more expensive depending on how far away it is, and statistically more likely to make you want to kill your children, but at least you won't be sitting in first class bitching about how the only in-flight movie is "After Earth."

3. Fast Food

On the topic of easily avoidable irritations, fast food is one of those widely accepted complaints that everyone can enjoy bitching about. I mean, it's a fattening, corrupt industry. What's not to hate? But, much like air travel, no one is forcing your fat ass through the door. (And, if they are, you need to talk to someone) Ever since the documentary, "Super Size Me"demonstrated the harmful effects of fast food to the general public, Americans have gotten their collective panties in a wad over the industry. Which is absolutely fucking ridiculous. What, you mean stuffing your face with 90% sodium french fries is BAD for you? Holy shit on a stick! Fast food is quite obviously a terrible alternative to just about any other activity, but it's not like this is a big fucking secret. Hell, even McDonald's doesn't believe it when it tells people that they have "healthy options." It's a crock of shit (and a side of carbs) that their underworked PR people put out there to create the semblance of normality. But you know as well as I do that eating fast food is like swallowing a cancer pill.

Pictured: Cancer.

But that's ok! Just because it's shitty for you doesn't mean that it's not worth eating it every once and a while. But don't be a raging dickhead by bemoaning fast food to everyone you see and rambling on about its harmful effects. The majority of the literate population is quite cognizant of this and is eating their cancer quietly. Bringing it up every five minutes just demonstrates your own hypocrisy because we all know you had Wendy's last week. Own up to it and enjoy the tumors in 30 years.

4. "Kids these days..."

Listen, baby boomers, we get it. Your dream of bringing about social change and political upheaval didn't go exactly according to plan. But don't take out your failures on the newer generations. Sure, millennials are some of the most self-indulgent navel-gazers on the planet (I should know; I'm one of them). But for god's sake, stop bitching about every single damn thing we do. You want to know why we aren't as "respectful" and why we're "self-absorbed?" Because we were raised in a society that YOU created. Don't blame us for your shitty leadership. Furthermore, stop whining about the fact that we're on our phones and computers all the time. You fucked up the environment and tore a hole in the ozone layer, not us. We're inside because we don't want to breathe in the shitty air you created.

"I just don't see why you won't play outside!"

Laugh all you want at Occupy Wall Street, but it's the result of your careless handling of white collar crime and corruption within the banking industry. Oh, and before you make a joke about us living in our mothers' basements, perhaps you shouldn't have raped our economy to the point where finding a job is about as easy as finding $2.00 gas. (thanks for that too!) The point is, we're working our asses off in school and entry-level jobs to clean up the mess you created. Perhaps instead of sitting around and mumbling about how shit used to be better, you should be telling us what not to do. Though, believe us, we're quite aware of that after watching you fumble and fuck up everything that this country once held sacred. Just retire, live off of the dwindling social security that we'll never get and let us take it from here.

5. The movie version of the book

The book is always better. This is one of those universal truths similar to "The sun rises in the east" and "Adam Sandler movies are awful." We all know it and we all, for the most part, accept it. So, please, for the love of all that is holy, stop fucking telling us. Clearly the movie version is going to be subpar compared to the book, especially if you read the book first. The narrative structure of a book allows for an infinitely larger amount of explanation and description that a movie just doesn't have the time to encompass. But that doesn't make the movie version inherently bad. A film version of a story isn't supposed to be an exact visual representation of what was written down in the book. Rather, think of it as a visual interpretation of the story.  This way, one can look at the book and the movie as two separate entities and judge them as such as opposed to pitting them against each other in some nonsensical battle.

Beyond the mere stupidity of trying to justify why the book is better, it's just generally annoying. Having been to more than one midnight premier, allow me to express my irritation at every pretentious moron that walks out of the movie, dressed as Harry Potter and loudly complaining about the omission of some minute detail. So Harry's shoes weren't the same size as they were in the book. Fuck you and fuck the fact that you even know something like this. If you wanted to get every detail from the book, why don't you go and read the goddamn book? Stop going to movies with impossible expectations. Instead, go and enjoy a different creative outlet and accept the fact that movies and books will never be on the same playing field. You wouldn't go to a baseball game and complain about the lack of tackling would you? Though, this would make an otherwise snooze-worthy game slightly more bearable.

Thank you for reading! As always, be sure to like and share my posts with your friends, family, and deceased relatives on Facebook, Twitter, and whatever other life-sucking social media platform you use. Also, make sure you follow me on Twitter to expose yourself to even more wit in order to satiate your never-ending hunger for TDW. Until next time!