Can We Stop Trying to Define What Beauty is For Women?

As you may recall, back in February I wrote a rather incendiary response to the idiotic article everyone was passing around on Facebook titled "The Actual Difference Between Women Who Are Hot And Who Are Beautiful." Mistakenly, I assumed this would make a difference in the world of vague and badly written articles. I never thought the author would ever actually read my blog post, but I had thought that my ounce of reason might permeate the cosmic stupidity and perhaps dissuade the collective unconscious from writing these fucking things. But either life doesn't work this way, or the amount of stupidity being poured into the air was enough to overpower my attempts at reason because another one of these trite and useless ramblings has been vomited on to the internet.

Unsurprisingly, "10 Things That Make A Girl Beautiful Instead Of Hot" is a product of the same stupid website (Elite Daily) and the same clueless writer (Lauren Martin). Ms. Martin, having not been satisfied with her per view paycheck from the last foray into frivolity, has decided to reinvigorate the argument between hot and beautiful by taking advantage of my generation's short attention span. Admittedly, she does acknowledge her earlier article, but she clearly didn't go back and reread it considering she wrote this fucking thing. Further buying into the Buzzfeed model (one that I, painfully, have tried out in the past), she has gone ahead and reduced this really "powerful" topic into a damn list.

But before we get to her inane checklist of beauty, let's start from the top. Because honestly, the first two sentences are, by far, the most hilarious part of the whole damn article.

Beautiful. It’s a powerful word, one not thrown around as frivolously as hot, pretty or any of the hundreds of words we’ve come to describe women,

Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me. In your last article, literally half of the damn page was you throwing around the word "beautiful." If, for some reason, anthropologists were trying to decipher your writing a thousand years from now, the only word they'd be able to use to describe it would be "frivolous." Frivolity is the foundation of your very career. But speaking of frivolous use of the word beautiful....

It’s a word that holds power and prestige far beyond that of any other adjective. It’s a sacred word, one kept for those who truly can’t be described any other way. 

I agree wholeheartedly. Had you written nothing else in your entire life besides these two sentences, I might even consider you to be a level headed human. But you've already shat all over the sanctity of the word beautiful by spewing it all over the last article you wrote. Speaking of which....

We’ve already debated the differences between hot and beautiful, but we never really answered what exactly makes a woman beautiful...

YES YOU HAVE! THAT'S LITERALLY ALL YOU FUCKING DID IN YOUR LAST ARTICLE! DO YOU HAVE THE MEMORY OF A GOLDFISH?

From your Feb. 13 article:

 
Hot is admired from afar; beauty is to be held.
Hot is perception; beauty is appreciation.
Hot is smokey-eyed; beautiful is bare-faced.
Hot is an appearance; beautiful is more than skin deep.
Hot is the way she moans; beautiful is the way she speaks.
Hot is a strong appeal; beautiful is strong mind.
Hot is youthful; beautiful is ageless.
Hot is conventional; beauty is unique.
Hot is a one-night stand; beautiful is sleepless nights.
Hot is a state of being; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Hot is devious; beautiful is innocent.
Hot is bending her over; beautiful is baking her blueberry pancakes.
Hot is sultry; beautiful is wholesome.
Hot is her curves; beauty is her nerves.
Hot is a text message; beautiful is a love letter.
Hot is a facade; beautiful is a woman.

I mean, for God's sake, you defined the SHIT out of beauty and what it means to be beautiful. You defined it so much it became absolute gibberish by the end. But, I digress. This post isn't about your last article; it's about your most recent infraction upon the human race. Because as much as you would like to claim that you are imparting some helpful advice upon the ladies and that you're doing some service to womankind by making them feel better about themselves, you're actually doing more harm than good.

Lauren, you can't make a list of criteria for what defines a woman as beautiful because, as I mentioned in my last response to you, you can't define beauty. It's purely subjective. Both looks and the ethereal beauty of a woman are in the eye of the beholder because the "soul" (as you define it) is not some across the board thing that deserves everyone's respect. Every "soul" is different and varies woman to woman. News flash: Just because you are an honest and independent woman does not mean you are beautiful. In fact, you may be an utter shithead. And that's fine! But don't expect me to sit here and bat my eyelashes over how fucking great and spiritually inspiring your soul is.

But the harm resulting from your attempts to define beauty extend far beyond merely insulting my intelligence. You are, effectively, doing the same thing that sex-starved men do when they define what a "hot piece of ass" is. Because, you see, when you make a list of what "defines" a beautiful woman, you are pretty much saying that women who want to be beautiful should live up to these qualities. You are implying that women who aren't "tight lipped" or those who DO "chase the limelight" aren't beautiful. In breaking beauty down into a list of ten stupid, arbitrary things, you have missed the entire point of your attempt. Now, do I think you are attempting to shame women into acting a particular way? Of course not. I think you're bad at forming thoughts, but I don't think you're intentionally cruel.

Your initial goal was to unburden women from the expectations of society. It was to tell women that they don't need to look or be a certain way to appease men. And that's good; I agree with this assertion. What I don't agree with is creating an alternate list of criterion that a woman of beauty must now live up to. You have now burdened women with expectations of inner beauty. In some ways, this is even worse than telling women how to look sexy. Because in doing this, you've given a guidebook that no woman could ever truly live up to. Because beauty, as I have already mentioned, is not something that can be defined or universally applied. It is unique to every woman and man (or woman) who sees it in her. That's what we should be telling women.

Ladies reading this article: Don't buy into this bullshit about "true beauty" and yada fuckin' ya. Don't listen to Lauren Martin, don't listen to Elite Daily, and certainly don't listen to me. I'm as flawed as anyone when it comes to giving advice. Instead, listen to your heart (or your fucking soul if that's your thing) and do your thing. Don't waste hours on the internet attempting to define your true self. Find it by doing shit you enjoy and being with people who make you happy. I'm not going to tell you to give up technology and to eschew materialism because those aren't the real problems. They are merely byproducts of a society so intent on defining itself that it ends up depressing itself in the process. The sooner you accept that you cannot be defined and that there is nobody on the planet that ever will, the sooner you'll find peace and happiness.

I don't know if you're beautiful. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But I won't lie to you and tell you that you are so that you can have three hours of affirmation from some internet asshole. Instead, I'll tell you this: You are an individual and you're probably beautiful to someone. No, not everyone will find you beautiful and some days you'll be more beautiful than others. But that's what makes beauty so amazing and so undefinable. It's fleeting. It's not something to aspire to, but something to appreciate. It's not always there, but when it is, it's.....well, it's beautiful.

Graphene Could Change Everything

In 2010, two Russian-born scientists from the UK were awarded the Nobel prize for physics for experiments with a material known as graphene. Four years later, Samsung is stockpiling patents on the one atom-thick material. What's all the hoopla about?

For starters, let's clarify what the hell graphene even IS. Not being a scientist and lacking the lexicon necessary to explain its specific scientific properties, my description will be in extreme laymen's terms (Wikipedia). Quite basically, graphene is "pure carbon in the form of a very thin, nearly transparent sheet, one atom thick." First created in a lab in 2004, graphene has since taken the world by storm with its fantastic and almost science fiction like properties. It's 100 times stronger than steel and is hyper-conductive. Researchers utilizing this hyper-conductivity have found that it charges batteries in seconds, leaving no negative environmental waste behind. In addition, it has the potential to be used in water filtration, speed up an internet connection by one million times, and turn computers and phones into shape-shifting devices.

Regarding that last point, Samsung has already developed the Youm Flexible OLED Displays and demonstrated the technology last year. (The demonstration begins at 3:19)

While foldable phones are far from being earth-shattering, the implications are. Graphene has the capacity to turn phones and computers into a single thin screen that can turn into literally any sort of computer. Think the Minority Report computer in your pocket. It sounds hyperbolic but it may be closer than you think. With major tech companies like Samsung and IBM stockpiling large amounts of graphene patents (and Apple trailing behind with only two), we can expect heavily researched methods of utilizing this material in the near future. Who knows? You may be carrying a paper thin, all purpose computer to work in twenty years.

On the business side of things, experts err on the side of caution when considering graphene stock investments. That said, there's no telling how absolutely through the roof this product could go, considering its wide range of utility. It's worth keeping an eye on, prospective millionaires. (Full disclosure: I am not an investment expert)

It's still in the early stages of development and most of what we think graphene can do is the product of nerdy daydreaming and journalistic conjecture. But that doesn't mean that this minuscule substance doesn't have the capability to literally change everything about the tech industry, let alone the world.

What The UCSB Shooter (Among Many Others) Misunderstands About Women

As you may have heard by now, there was a drive-by shooting near the UC Santa Barbara campus last night. The gunman is suspected to be Elliot Rodger, a 22 year old with a bad attitude and a BMW. There are a lot of things being written about Rodger right now, ranging from articles about his father, a second unit director for The Hunger Games, to articles about gun control and mental illness. As is customary, the mass media is taking this chance to reinvigorate the tired conversation about guns and their implications on society. I'm not going to talk about that today. Nor am I going to dredge up the newer, albeit just as exhausted, argument of mental illness. I don't mean to imply that these are nonexistent problems, but I do mean to address a far more sinister and less discussed issue at hand. The issue is hard to reduce to a sentence or sound bite. It is complicated and without extensive scientific study. The problem is the way men perceive women and their relationships to them.

For the sake of brevity, I'll cut the introduction short in favor of diving into the relevance this problem has to current events. Elliot Rodger shot a video of himself before carrying out his now infamous actions. In the video, he suggests his motive is driven by feelings of rejection and loneliness. He goes on to complain about how he is a virgin and has never even kissed a girl and that, because of this, women deserve annihilation (a word he uses far too liberally). If you're interested in watching the full seven-minute video, you can find it here. Originally on YouTube, it has now been removed. Honestly, the video itself really isn't all that disturbing. It looks like a jaded kid bitching about how the world has dealt him a bad hand and how he wants to exact revenge in retaliation.

What is truly disturbing is how unperturbed I am by the whole video. It's a song and dance I have heard time and time again, albeit with less intention to shoot up a bunch of sorority girls. Rodger is the classic example of a guy who makes himself the victim in a world that is hellbent on denying him the right to have sex with women. His entire argument hinges on the idea that he is deserving of sex and love. (Note the order he has listed them in) He believes, as many men do, that merely being a "gentlemen" grants them some divine right to have sex with the woman of their choosing. As a man, I say this: bullshit. This isn't fucking Chuck E. Cheese where you rack up enough points to get a prize. Women aren't a prize to be won based on your perceived merits and they aren't obligated to have sex with you because you were nice to them. Besides, if you are being a nice person or a gentlemen to get into a woman's pants, you aren't actually being nice.

Elliot Rodger is merely the most recent poster child for socially awkward men who resent women. He is indicative of a pervasive problem that has been exacerbated by movements like men's rights activism (MRA). To be entirely clear, I am not saying that being a men's rights activist makes you more prone to murder women, nor am I implying that the movement itself is directly responsible for people who do. I am, however, saying that the movement certainly doesn't help the problem and that it has the capacity to egg the idea on. If you'd like to learn more about MRA, I suggest you visit their subreddit here.

My point isn't to crucify MRA here. My point is to suggest that there is a growing culture of awkward teenage guys and young men that have placed the blame for their virginity and lack of love anywhere but on themselves. I have read (but not confirmed) that Rodger believed his height (5' 9") was a major factor in his lack of success with women. Allow me to quickly disprove this theory. I am 5'7" (supposedly), 120 pounds, and my hair is in a recession to rival the US economy and yet I have not lacked the attention of females. This isn't an opportunity for me to give my anecdote as scientific proof that all men have the ability to have sex with women. It is an opportunity for me to say that you don't get to claim that women don't want to have sex with you because of your perceived physical defects. There is a great line from The Social Network where Rooney Mara (playing Zuckerberg's girlfriend) leans in and tells him this:

You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.

Men like Rodger believe that women just aren't seeing the good parts of them and that they are eschewing them in favor of lumbering alpha males who smell like Old Spice and scratch their balls too often. Rodger called himself a gentlemen (right before he shot six people) and honestly believed that women just weren't seeing that he was a fucking catch. And therein lies the problem. These men and this culture that they have thrown up around them don't take into account a woman's point of view. They adopt a bullshit idea concocted by their own insecurities that makes women into two dimensional caricatures that are waiting for a gentleman in a fedora to save them.

To all you self-proclaimed victims out there, bullied for years and ignored by women, I say this: I am so sorry that your social life sucks. I really do. I've been there. I know what it's like to not get what you want. But don't trot out the same bullshit about how you respect women and you've earned the right to have sex and love. You completely misunderstand the definition of respect. Respecting women isn't about softening them up to the point where they'll hop into bed with you; it's about being understanding of their desires and accepting their decision to not have sex with you. True respect doesn't manifest before rejection, but after. So, no, Elliot Rodger, you are not a gentleman. You had no respect for women and you demonstrated that quite perfectly when you shot a bunch of them with a handgun. I have pity for you insofar that you obviously felt very lonely in this world, but I will not commiserate with you on your cockamamie idea that you deserve to be loved. Love is not earned through desire to have it and it most certainly isn't earned through bitching about it on your YouTube channel. It's earned through forming a bond with another human being on an equal playing field. It's about actually having respect for a woman as an individual and as someone who has the right to make decisions on her own. I'm sorry you died misunderstanding this, but I hope that the many men that think very similar to you will not make the same mistake.

This Marriage Proposal Rubs Me The Wrong Way

I'm a cynic. That's no big secret to many of you. What may be a secret is that I am also a human with emotions that occasionally watches (and tears up about) everything from adorable dogs to disease-ridden children to marriage proposals. Jesus Christ, the marriage proposals. If I had a nickel for every dude that made a bombastic and meticulously planned marriage proposal video, I would have enough nickels to throw at the next douche that tries. They were sort of cute at first, I'll admit. Seeing the genuine surprise and happiness (and the occasional awkward let down) was satisfying and beautiful and all that lovely shit. But it's getting to the point where I feel like I live in a perpetual phone commercial full of people in flash mobs and skywriters all vying to find the quirkiest and most crowd pleasing method of proposing to their girlfriend. Not only is it obnoxious (we, the people, do not care about your proposal) but it MUST be uncomfortable for the person you're proposing to. What if she wants to say no? Now that you've gathered the army of extras in your romcom movie life, she's sort of obligated to say yes. But, I digress.

The most recent marriage hostage situation comes to us in the form of a guy that filmed himself over the course of four years lip syncing "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)," a song that his future wife and murderer will pinpoint to her psychiatrist as the breaking point of her sanity. In addition to lip syncing a song no one has ever asked to hear twice, he did so while filming himself in a variety of different countries, which is both the only cool part of the whole ordeal, and the crux of the problem. Never mind the fact that he began his marriage proposal on his first date (one of many red flags for the Future Mrs. YouHaven'tCalledInFiveMinutesWhereAreYou). The problem I have with this video is a problem I have with many videos like it. It looks like an American who went to a bunch of different countries so that he could use them as a backdrop to his super cool interesting life #blessed #worldtraveler.

Similar to the White Girl Leaning Next to African Child Whose Name She Can't Pronounce, this variety of trust fund kid traipses around the globe with the apparent intention of making a viral video that will garner him his fifteen minutes of fame. Now, I doubt that this dude went to the Great Wall of China just to film a segment of him singing 500 miles and then immediately turned around and went back to his hotel room. In fact, I am sure he got quite a bit of touristy action in while he was in all of these countries. And why shouldn't he? It's sort of ridiculous for me to expect that every person who visits another country ONLY explore the sides of it that aren't geared towards outsiders and people with fanny packs. But what bothers me is that this sort of activity (the videos, the selfies, and the three hours of minimal volunteer work before the Village Photoshoot Hour) promotes traveling for the sake of trendiness and attention. To me (and I make this clear on purpose), these actions seem to originate from a place of self-righteousness and self-fulfillment. The idea of travel is now to examine other cultures for the purpose of returning with something that will make you cooler and give you conversation material.

Yes, my thought is underdeveloped and yes, there are many exceptions to this opinion. I believe there are Americans who visit other cultures with the intention of learning about them and expanding their global mind. But I think there are far more who visit these countries as part of a checklist and a "hipness quota" that will allow them to socially trump people at cocktail parties down the road. I believe proposal dude is one of these people. Granted, I only have around six minutes of insight into his life, but his nauseating display leads me to think this way. Maybe I'm entirely wrong and he went to these foreign countries with the desire to immerse himself in another culture and attempt to come to an understanding of the world around him. But maybe he did it because he wanted to impress and propose to his girlfriend of one day. The latter seems more likely.

In Response to Matt Walsh's Homophobic Rant

Matt Walsh, a conservative blogger, recently wrote a piece on Michael Sam in which he rails against Sam's announcement that he's gay and the attention he receives as a result. I have decided to respond to Walsh's piece in a letter to the blogger himself. Introductions aside, my response is as such:


Mr. Walsh,

From just a quick jaunt through your blog, I can tell that you have a problem with authority. I can get on board with that. Being told what to do is one of my major pet peeves and I imagine just about any independent, thought possessing human being will feel the same. Beyond being a mere pet peeve, however, it is a violation of a basic human right. Being told what you can or cannot do feels like an assault on our individuality and on our right to live. For what is living if it is at the discretion of someone else, right? That's precisely what the founders of our country fought to get away from. They fought for a country within which the right of each man to practice his life as he pleased would be upheld. It seems like common sense now. Who would deny a man his right to an equal life? It says it right there in the Declaration of Independence: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

I have no doubt that you have these words etched into your mind, memorized for eternity so that you may forever remember that every man is deserving of the same respect and dignity afforded to the rest of society. I believe you to be smart enough to see where I'm going with this. You seem to have a problem with Michael Sam because you believe that his attention is ill-deserved and that the backlash received from professing this belief is indicative of intolerance. I agree wholeheartedly. No man should receive this amount of attention for being gay and I should not be persecuted for saying that. You know, I'll take it even further for you. No man should have to hide that he is gay in the first place. No man should have to fear the onslaught of discrimination and intolerance that lies in wait for anyone who has yet to exit the closet. No man should have to walk down the street in fear of being called a "faggot" or a "queer." No man should be treated differently for his sexual preference.

Admittedly, I'm in the same boat as you Mr. Walsh. I'm a straight white dude that's been shafted by society and persecuted on a daily basis. I NEVER get national attention when I admit my interest in sleeping with women and I am constantly getting told that I'll be paid more than my female counterparts. If I kissed a girl on camera, the world would shrug and never pay me any mind. I'll tell ya, life is ROUGH. Us straight white dudes have got to stick together though, right? I stand in solidarity with you, Mr. Walsh.

You address that Michael Sam's sexual life is none of our business. Damn straight. Right there with you. Beyond orgies and porn theaters, the act of sex tends to be a private discussion, unfit for public conversation. That's why if I ever see Michael Sam giving it to his boyfriend on the football field, I will politely ask that he cease his activity and find a room. Thank god kissing your loved one isn't a sexual activity but merely a romantic gesture, right? Otherwise the painfully adorable moment when Sam kissed his boyfriend upon learning of his drafting would have been super awk! I mean, imagine if every time you see a nauseating couple kissing in public, you had to cover your children's eyes. That would be incredibly tedious.

But, as you know due to your advanced understanding of liberty and freedom, it must be even harder to be Michael Sam. I mean, to live in a country in which being openly gay is met with vile stares from onlooking parents and hushed whispers around every corner. That must be like living in a society that does not lend itself to your lifestyle yet. It must be like living in a country in which coming out to the world is an incredibly brave move due to an ingrained societal norm of heterosexuality that finds the notion of homosexuality uncomfortable and unnatural. And although there is a growing amount of support, less than half of the states within this country will recognize a legal union between you and your partner and sixteen states prohibit what you and your partner may do behind closed doors. It's draconian and tyrannical. And you and I, as champions of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, should stand against this sort of discrimination. We should do our best to stand in solidarity with our fellow man as he fights back against the norm and proclaims that he is proud of who he is. Because even though we are a society that is becoming increasingly accepting of the concept of homosexuality, we have yet to see it actually integrated into many facets of our society. That's why we have to fight back against discrimination and cheer on those who would defy it. That's why Michael Sam is a beacon of light in the dark cave our nation is currently fumbling around in. That's why he's also a beacon of hope for those too afraid to make that step into the light.

I'm sure Michael Sam enjoyed every second of his media attention and scrutiny into his life. I'm sure that every single reporter that swarmed him, his family, and his boyfriend was worth the plunge into the unknown. I am sure that Sam thanks god every day for helping him make the decision to come out to a country full of people waiting to call him an assortment of different names. I am sure that he feels superior to you and I, the lowly white straight men who have nothing in this world besides higher salaries, total acceptance, and the ability to kiss our girlfriends in public. I guess life would just be a helluva lot easier if we were gay. Thank god it's a choice, right?

What I've Learned From 2048

By now, I imagine you've heard of the highly addictive game, 2048. A relatively simple game, the object is to combine tiles until you reach 2048, as the name of the game suggests. Created in March 2014 by an Italian web developer, 2048 is without a doubt the worst thing that the Italians have inflicted on us since Jersey Shore. While the objective may be simple, the process by which one reaches it is decidedly not.

The popularity of 2048 skyrocketed when bored college students trying to avoid exams started downloading the free app to their phones. Much to the delight of many, the game takes little brain power to play. Winning is another thing entirely. Winning is akin to shooting a basketball into a hoop at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Except you don't get it the first time and you have to run all the way to the goddamn bottom to retrieve the ball every time you screw up. But you try again because all your other friends have made the fucking shot and THEY made sure Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and the fucking President of the United States knew about it. So now YOU'RE the asshole that can't drain a shot from the fucking rim of the Grand goddamn Canyon and everyone knows and they're LAUGHING AT YOU!

This game is a nightmare. It is a desolate pit of numbers that serves as a nagging reminder that math was never your strong suit and that there may be a pattern but you're just too stupid to figure it out. Every time you move a tile, one that you don't need pops up in a spot that it shouldn't be in and all you want to do is become Tron so that you can jump into your phone and kick that "4" tile's ass. Beyond mere number abuse, it's tempting to shove your phone into the nearest toaster based on the suspicion that this may just be a very elaborate ruse to turn you into a goddamn drooling moron, incapable of seeing anything but numbers that turn into bigger numbers.

But I'll never give into the temptation. I fear that this may be my life now; a life relegated to sliding goddamn blocks around until a shining number 2048 releases me from my technological slavery like a house elf receiving a fucking sock. I am beholden to this game until I find a way to combine those two precious 1024's but I'm afraid that such a task may be impossible. Maybe it is all a lie and no one has ever truly won. Maybe I am the only being left in existence and all those around me are merely phantoms of my subconscious. If I do not return from the depths of my mind, I want you to know the culprit. Despair thy name is 2048.

GAHHHH FUCK I ALMOST WON AGAIN 

The Significance of This Year's NFL Draft

If you're like me, you probably give football about as much thought as you give the dirt under your keyboard. You know it's there, but you really don't give a shit. I can't really fault you for your apathy. Personally, I find a bunch of grown men running a ball across a field for several hours to be sort of a bore. (Adding predatory animals would certainly liven this exercise up but the NFL has refused my suggestions) But, as few shits as you or I may give about the sport of ball tossing, this year's NFL draft is worth keeping an eye on. Not because of the new crop of steroid-infused super humans, mind you. I am more interested in the decidedly controversial side of this year's draft. I am, of course, referring to Michael Sam.

Hailing from the University of Missouri, the defensive end has stirred up quite a bit of controversy following his coming out. The first openly gay NFL draft prospect, Sam came out in February to a cacophony of reactions, ranging from passive homophobia to expressions of solidarity. In more recent news, Sam has jumped back into the limelight following an endorsement deal with Visa.

But despite the media maelstrom that ensued immediately after the announcement, coverage of Sam has been, well, lacking. Which is really fucking cool.

Because we are not yet an evolved 21st century society, the news of someone being gay is still cause for media hullabaloo. But the cool down time after is slowly starting to shorten. Our adaptability to these new developments is remarkably better than it was ten years ago. The fact that we quickly (for the most part) got over the fact that Michael Sam was a gay man is a positive sign of things to come. To be clear, I'm not declaring that homophobia is over and that we can all pack up our picket signs and go home. I am, however, insinuating that we are on a forward march, albeit a very slow and unsteady one. It is because of this remaining instability that this year's NFL draft is so significant.

Michael Sam, if drafted, would become the first active openly gay NFL player. Despite his insistence that we not discuss his sexuality, it's still worthy of attention. For one, his drafting into the NFL would be a huge win for the gay community. Not because a gay man is playing professional football (although that's nice too) but because a gay man is playing professional football for a traditionally masculine audience. I don't mean to sound insulting, and I don't have any statistics to back me up, but I would be willing to bet that a large portion of the football watching community is either completely ignorant of gay culture or thinks it's gross and would rather not hear about it. Sweeping generalizations aside (mostly), this could have the potential to make headway in getting the less-than-hateful-but-still-ignorant citizens of the US on board with gay rights. Integrating changes into something you love is always met with hesitation at first, but given enough time, I'm convinced that seeing gay players acting and playing no different than straight players would be enough to win over a lot of people. Notice I said players, however.

The second benefit of Sam's drafting would be his status as an inspiration and icon to other, closeted players or soon-to-be draftees. Demonstrating that anyone, regardless of sexual orientation, can make it to the NFL could be a massive confidence boost to gay athletes across the country. There always has to be a first plunge into the dark and scary world of uncertainty and Sam had the courage to take it. I don't mean to detract from his skill as an athlete, but I think that the far more important aspect of this story is, for now, his sexuality and what that means to the world. I can only hope that in the years to come, a story like this will be met with a shrug and nonchalance as we move towards a culture of acceptance and inclusion.

8 Ways to Improve Your Studying

We here at The Daily Wit are invested in your academic well being. But before you get around to that, why not take a five minute break from cramming to find out what you're doing wrong? (Hint: Cramming) Some of the things on this list will certainly elicit a "No shit, Sherlock" but if you find at least one thing you didn't know beforehand, you'll be studying more efficiently than you started. And that's worth the break.


1. Change Your Environment 

Do it. NOW! According to research, students who study material in at least two different rooms are more likely to do well on the test. If you're in the library, walk over to the Student Union. If you're in the Union, find a quiet coffee shop. Not only will you get the benefits of a different environment, you'll also get the cognitive benefits of exercise.


2. Do Not Immerse Yourself

In other words, don't ONLY study one subject at a time. This may seem counterproductive, but according to research conducted by the New York Times, switching between a variety of different subjects is far more effective than trying cram as much information about one subject into your head as you can over the course of several hours. And speaking of cramming...

3. Don't Cram 

DON'T FUCKING DO IT! Seriously. Cramming is one of the worst things you can do before a large exam. The main problem isn't that you're stuffing a large amount of information into your head at once (though that's not exactly ideal either). Rather, it's that you're doing so and sacrificing sleep, a necessary component for doing well on your exam tomorrow morning. On the topic of sleep...

4. Sleep

DO fucking do it!! Next to adderall, sleep is the miracle drug of studying. Many neuroscientists believe that names, faces, numbers, and other detailed facts are only committed to memory during a deep and substantial bout of rest. Not to mention, sleep deprivation leads to an increase of the enzyme PDE4 which degrades cAMP signaling to the hippocampus.  In plain speak: it creates a memory deficit, making it much harder to recall information. However, if you'd like to have the opposite effect...

5. Study Right Before You Sleep

According to sleep expert Dan Taylor, studying the toughest material right before you go to sleep is beneficial to retaining it. This is due to, as mentioned earlier, your body's effect to lodge the information better during deep sleep. Just make sure you don't wake up early to cram the morning before the exam. This can, according to Taylor, disrupt the REM sleep cycle before your body has the chance to process the information.

6. Right Brain vs Left Brain is Bullshit 

Remember when some teacher made you take a test to figure out if you were a visual or auditory learner? A right brain or left brain thinker? Yeah, you can toss all that information out. There have been plenty of studies done in the field of thought. Scientists found out that most of it was bullshit. What's really important is finding a study strategy that works for you as an individual. 

7. Chunking 

Remember the Spongebob episode where Spongebob gets rid of everything in his brain that doesn't pertain to fine dining and breathing and then can't remember how to do anything else? It looks like the writers of Spongebob might have been on to something. You see, according to the cognitive load theory, your brain has a finite amount of space to store information. To get around this limitation, psychologist and professional space saver, George Miller, came up with the "rule of 7." Miller believed that the largest number of discrete pieces of information the brain could manage was 7. Long story short, breaking information into several meaningful chunks (there has to be come coherence, after all) will make it infinitely easier to remember the information. 

8. Take a Break

At the end of the day, just take a fucking break. Not only does research support the idea, but it's just common sense. Killing yourself with work to make that A just isn't worth it. You're in college for four or five years and you have exams for a couple weeks out of that. The exams are certainly worth studying hard for, but sacrificing your happiness and well being sort of misses the point entirely. Take some time for yourself to watch a couple episodes of a show on Netflix. Take a walk around the block to both stimulate your mind and clear your head. And if all else fails, just lie on the ground and stare at your ceiling. Just make sure you take a break. After all, you've earned it. 

Where is Your Meal Plan Money Really Going?

Since my freshman year, here at Appalachian State, there has been a rumor that the unused funds from our meal plan go to the football team at the end of the semester. In the midst of sexual assault scandals and an irritating disparity between athletic spending and academic spending, it has been a constant source of anger amongst many of my peers. How could a football team whose expenses exceeded four million dollars just last year be getting more money? I am here to let you in on a not-so-secret secret: they aren't.

After hearing the rumor just one too many times, my curiosity was piqued and I did some digging. And by digging, I mean I barely scratched the surface and was quickly met with the answer. A short email to David Jackson, Director of Public Affairs for Appalachian State Athletics, quickly dispelled the rumor.

So where are the funds going? A brief phone call to the AppCard office yielded the answer. Much to the dismay of conspiracy theorists everywhere, I'm afraid the funds go exactly where you'd expect them to: Food Services. You see, technically, you have already paid Food Services all of your meal plan money so it's not really being given to them so much as it's staying put.  The very nice woman at the AppCard office assured me that the rumor had been around for as long as she had been working there and that, unless policy had changed in the last year since she discussed the issue with the Director of Food Services, it was still not funding the football team. 

No, your meal plan money may not be going to fund the incredibly well-funded athletics department (See: above link to Department of Education) but there are still a LOT of funds being directed that way. I won't expend the energy to do a full blow investigation of that, but if you're curious, Appalachian State releases a Financial Statement Audit Report every year that you can check out and shake your fist over. But at least you can rest easy knowing that your leftover $50 will be going to undercooked Chik-fil-a nuggets as opposed to a new football stadium.

Update 3:07 PM: I received the following email from Food Services Director, Arthur Kessler, giving a more detailed account of where, exactly, your meal plan money is going.