The Issue With Benjamin Watson's Ferguson Post

Benjamin Watson, evidently a player of sports ball to those who follow that sort of thing, gave his thoughts on Ferguson via his Facebook page on Tuesday. His thoughts, broken down into a list of sorts, details how frustrated and angry he is by the continued preying upon of black citizens in the United States. This is good. He also, however, makes an attempt at condemning the riots, sympathizing with Darren Wilson and scolding Michael Brown for disobeying a policeman. This is bad.

Look, Watson has more right to speak out about the issue than I do. He is, after all, a black man living in a country that still views him as a threat. He understands better than most what it's like to walk down the street and draw the gaze of trigger-happy cops. This is why it confuses me so much to see someone like Watson speaking on this issue so ignorantly. Admittedly, he understands the base issue that black men are being unfairly (and disproportionately) gunned down by law enforcement. But he fails to recognize the full picture and, in doing so, perpetuates the larger issue of racism. For example....

I'M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

Sure, looting stores, lighting cop cars on fire and generally causing havoc and mayhem aren't exactly the most effective ways of endearing yourself to the powers that be. That being said, fuck the powers that be. Why the hell should people who have been shat on their whole lives sit around and play the peace bongos until someone in power comes by and asks them what's up?  The idea that violent action by oppressed masses is somehow confirming stereotypes is just the sort of racist tripe that assholes trot out to confirm their own racism. It invalidates the cause if they can attach it to the idea that "HUR DUR BLACK PEOPLE STEAL SHIT" and, thereby, weaves a narrative of mindless brutality in the minds of terrified white people watching CNN.

Certainly, I feel for the shop owners who are dealing with countless acts of vandalism and damage to their stores. I really do feel bad. But I feel worse for a sect of the population that has to accept the fact that there is absolutely nothing they can do against a system that treats them like animals and "demons." They aren't breaking shit because they just like the idea of chaos. They're breaking shit because it's the only way they can fight a system that is richer, more powerful and turns a blind eye to their cause.

I'M CONFUSED, because I don't know why it's so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don't know why some policeman abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

It's hard to obey a policeman because some people aren't content with bending over the table and spreading their cheeks open wide. Sure, you probably should obey policeman (especially if you're black) because you run the risk of getting shot in the face if you don't. But I am sympathetic to those young black men who draw the ire of law enforcement just by walking while black. Yeah, you're better off just shutting your mouth and letting the asshole search you, but that doesn't mean it's any less demeaning and tyrannical. When do we say enough is enough?

I'M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take "our" side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it's us against them. Sometimes I'm just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that's not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That's not right.

This stinks of "reverse racism" bullshit. All forms of prejudice are bad, yes. But pointing fingers at white people isn't even nearly on par with pointing fingers at black people. First of all, it's easier to be white. In every aspect. I could walk to the store right now and if a cop stopped me, it would be to ask if I had an iPhone 5 charger or if I could help him with his taxes. I don't run the risk of being shot.

On a more realistic note, you can't really be racist towards white people because in order to do so, those carrying out said racism have to be in a position of higher authority and power. As white people are currently sitting on the top of the heap, racism only ever amounts to shouts from below. And sometimes it can be pretty darned offensive. But being offended does not amount to being oppressed. And that's the crux of the problem. Assumptions being made about white people certainly does suck, but it's not worth addressing that issue in the wake of major racist assumptions and actions directed towards young black men. Let's fix the heart before we fix the foot, shall we?

I'M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I'M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that's capable of looking past the outward and seeing what's truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It's the Gospel. So, finally, I'M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.

The rest of Watson's post is religious drivel that, while well-meaning, removes the important focus of the issue and turns it into a Jesus-thon. This is, perhaps, the biggest problem of his post. In proclaiming the debacle a "sin problem" and not a "skin problem," he effectively removes blame from everyone and makes us all feel warm and fuzzy inside because it's just the Devil up to his old tricks. But in blaming Satan for our worldly ills, we can't effectively fight the problems. It reduces us to praying masses of inaction that sit around and wait for the problem to fix itself.

God is not going to fix this problem. At least not without acting through some very well-organized and inspired humans. This is not about reading the gospel and this is not about Jesus. This is about human beings that are stuck on this shitty planet together until we inevitably die (some of us by the hands of gun-toting cops). Harmony, perhaps a pipe dream, will not be achieved if we continue to divert our attention from the real issue of inequality and exasperatedly proclaim that "we just want everyone to get along." Don't blame black rioters for this problem. Blame a society that has, for hundreds of years, pushed black men and women into the ground and stomped on their dignity with the iron boot of white supremacy. Blame a history of white imperialism that drew arbitrary lines in the sand all over Africa and the Middle East in an attempt to proclaim the sacred gospel and civilize the "heathens."

Watson, you seem like a nice guy, but you are contributing to institutional racism with this post. You have nice intentions, but this won't be solved if people with as much media reach as you do keep speaking ignorantly. Truly educate yourself on the details of modern racism and you'll see that your advice falls short in a world where even the most polite black man is looked upon with disdain and suspicion. I would love for everyone to get along, but we won't get there by telling the oppressed peoples of this nation to quiet down and stop messing up our nice comfortable lifestyles. It's going to take rioting and, yes, it's going to take fire.

Why Are We So Afraid of Vaginas?

For a society that so readily puts women on display for their bodies, we are still a wee bit squeamish about acknowledging that all our favorite parts exist underneath all that skimpy clothing we're hawking. Admittedly, it's really no one's business what goes on under there, but pretending like it doesn't exist seems akin to covering your eyes and hoping the monsters in your closet don't nibble on your exposed toes.

It was recently brought to my attention that a community I used to be a part of was the latest organization to jump on board the "pretending that vaginas don't exist" train. For the sake of open and inclusive discourse, I won't name the community here. It's not really relevant. The problem goes far beyond dorm room squabbles over the appropriateness of discussing female genitalia. If this sounds like an archaic discussion, you haven't been paying attention. In 2012, LifeWay (a chain of Christian bookstores, for the uninitiated) banned a book from their stores when they found that the author had *GASP* used the word vagina to describe her, you know, vagina. 

But religious doctrine being used to cover up the unpleasant little realities that lie in wait behind the thin veneer of underwear is hardly surprising. Perhaps a more all-encompassing and contemporary example would be more appropriate. As recently as....two weeks ago, you couldn't say the word "pussy" on Comedy Central without being bleeped into oblivion. Noting the ridiculous double standard of being able to say dick at will and not pussy, Amy Schumer and her staff finally put their foot down. Dan Powell, an executive producer for Inside Amy Schumer, penned a letter to network execs bemoaning said double standard.....and won!

Indeed, it would seem that this is a victory for the level-headed crowd. However, keep in mind that this is one network's decision concerning one particular aspect of vaginas. The humorous discussion of vaginas (or pussies, if you will) on Comedy Central may be fair game, but there are still countless other networks and mediums that clench their collective asshole at the very mention of the subject. 

Beyond the fact that a vagina is a body part just like any other, the unwillingness to verbalize gives it an unnecessarily sexual connotation. The world's pearl-clutching/smelling salts-fetching behavior stems from the idea that the vagina is "dirty" and profane. It's the same bullshit moral high horse that causes people to descend into madness over women breastfeeding in public. However, I digress.

Look, I understand that a community event is often not the place to shout about obscene subjects. I would like you to understand that the vagina is not obscene. Neither is the hymen, clitoris, placenta and whatever other words cause people these days to faint out of horror. If your child is just now being introduced to the word vagina, that is, perhaps, your failing as a parent to appropriately prepare your progeny for a world that is just around 50% vaginas (citations needed).

Food for thought. 

The Problem With The Appalachian's Opinion Section

Opinions are like U2 albums. Everyone is just really fucking tired of hearing them. However, much like Bono, opinions have somehow secured their place in the world of pop culture indefinitely. Perhaps it's for this reason that opinions have adopted the guise of journalism, popping up in newspapers and masquerading as informed thought. Don't get me wrong; opinions are important. Without them, we would have nothing informing our decisions and no sense of morality. But we've come to mistake the importance of some opinions for the importance of all opinions. In other words: Not every thought that tumbles through your precious head is worth sharing. (The irony here is not lost on me)

This being said, should you want to stand on the street corner and shout about your opinions on the texture of oranges, you are certainly welcome to do that. However, when you utilize the medium of mass media to start rambling about every thought that crosses your mind, your entitlement to an opinion starts to get a little hazy.

Rather than continue to dance around the issue, I'll get right to the point: A newspaper's opinion section shouldn't be your personal blog for how you feel about stuff. It should be a section where you share an informed opinion on a topical issue that is relevant to readers. Lately, The Appalachian has been toeing the line between the two and leaning slightly towards the former. One writer in particular is leading that charge into frivolity.

I'm sure you all remember Dewey "Feminism is Hard" Mullis from several weeks ago. His controversial article concerning his ambivalence towards feminism inspired outrage among a large portion of the student body. While the topic of discussion was certainly worthy of writing about (however stupid it may be), the lack of substance is what really made it an unforgivable piece of trash. You can't just hide behind the platitude of "well that's just my opinion" when you're writing for a newspaper. An opinion without any sort of supporting facts is just a rant. And ranting is fine.....if you're not writing for a newspaper.

I am not entirely up to date on journalistic ethics as of late. But I would hazard a guess that any paper worth its salt would agree to the assertion that an opinion must be A) a topic worth discussing and B) backed up with some amount of cold hard facts. As for the former, it's hard to gauge what a worthy topic is in this day in age. But even in our frivolous and downright stupid society, I still imagine that someone who is going to take the time to read a newspaper might be slightly miffed to find a fucking listicle about sidewalks within its pages.

Other examples of Mullis' inanities can be found in his several meta articles in which he muses on confirmation bias and what it means to write an opinion. Interesting stuff if you're, you know, an opinion writer. But for the rest of the population, it takes up space that could be dedicated to more relevant issues. The latter article does grant us a peek inside the mind of Mullis, however. He makes a great point: "There are things opinions should and should not be." If only he could follow his own advice.

But, I understand that Mullis is merely one of three regular opinion writers on the desk (though, it's worth noting that he has the most articles under his belt at this point). The other two, Lindsey Chandler and Kevin Griffin, seem to do a good job at writing meaningful opinions, however. Why Mullis doesn't take his cues from his peers is beyond me.

The Appalachian can claim that opinions are solely of the author all day long, but that excuse doesn't really fly these days. If tomorrow The New York Times hired a guy that thinks the earth is flat, everyone would lose their minds. Admittedly, The Grey Lady services a much larger audience, but I would like to think that The Appalachian has more respect for its readers than it's currently demonstrating. Certainly, an opinion held by a writer does not reflect the opinion of an organization as a whole, but the continued employment of that writer definitely reflects its standards.

My suggestion to The Appalachian? Get your shit in gear. Stop pulling stunts like that fucking PSA about cat costumes. It demeans the organization and, in doing so, demeans this campus. Furthermore, stop hiding behind excuses. We don't care who wrote it and who put it in the newspaper. Own up to a mistake and take responsibility. Otherwise, you just look petty.

And as for Mullis, I offer this bit of advice: Either stop writing articles about stupid shit or, if that's too hard, stop writing entirely. You have some worthy articles under your belt so I know you're not entirely incompetent. Prove that you can be taken seriously as an opinion writer and stop embarrassing the newspaper you work for. We here at The Daily Wit will be keeping an eye on you.

Professors, Please Learn How to Email

Look, I get it. You've been teaching snot-nosed kids since Nixon flew away and, as far as you're concerned, technology is just the newest fad in a long line of trends that include bell-bottom pants and green ketchup. But us college students aren't nearly as wise and learned as you, oh great bearer of outdated textbooks. We rely heavily on this clunky little item that the kids are now calling a MacBook. (Book? Books have paper, goddamit!) When we need to communicate, we lazily string a few misspelled words together and send it into the ether, typically from the toilet. So when you want to reach us, it seems pertinent that you might, I don't know, utilize the technology most readily available to us.

In other words.....

USE YOUR FUCKING EMAIL.

People used to have to pay for this shit. Now you get a free university assigned one. Hell, you get your own section of a website just to put whatever the hell you goddamn please. If you wanted to fill it with pictures of your ex-wife photoshopped into scenes from Gravity, you could easily fucking do it. Just as long as you have SOME sort of online presence. It makes us millennials uncomfortable when there's radio silence from you over the interwebs. It's like seeing a guy dressed in a zoot suit jiving his way down the sidewalk.

This in mind, when you want to cancel class, just shoot us an email. We check it religiously, I assure you. You don't even have to say more than one word. You could even make a fun time of it by turning the whole thing into a meme! Literally any of those options is better than forcing us to wake up, get ready, walk 15 minutes in the dreary morning air just to find out that you've wrangled some poor colleague of yours into putting a PRINTED sign on the door to inform us that there will be no class today.

JUST USE YOUR FUCKING EMAIL.

Do you think Paul Revere, had he been given the option, would have chosen to ride miles shouting his fucking lungs out about the impending coming of British? No. Motherfucker would have just sent an email. "Lol, limey bastards up in here"

And don't you think that Juliet MIGHT have shot Romeo a text letting him in on the fact that she wasn't actually dead but just fakin' it?

Technology isn't an evil sun god trying to force you into sacrificing your first-born. It's a lovely tool that literally makes all forms of communication easier. So, please, next time you get the sniffles and decide that you can't make it into class, just follow this one simple step:

USE. YOUR. FUCKING. EMAIL.

Stop Telling Me To Vote

You can't move an inch today without bumping into a fucking polling station or someone who will direct you towards one. Indeed, the politically minded have taken it upon themselves to spur the masses into doing their "civic duty" by voting for the next round of assholes. In the past two weeks I have been shouted at incessantly on campus, had unwelcome vote-wranglers knocking on my apartment door, and endured that stupid fucking video of Lil John et al rapping/turning-down about voting. 

MAKE IT STOP.

Look, I get it. Voting is a big deal for those of you that find public policy interesting. But for the rest of us who find the whole process sordid from the get go, it really doesn't sound all that appealing. I don't mean to say that voting is unimportant. On the contrary, I think that if everyone actually took the time to consider each candidate seriously and voted based on policy and history, we might just be a better country. But therein lies the rub. American voters, for the most part it would seem, are neither educated nor patient enough to take the time to make themselves so.

This isn't exactly surprising information about a country full of people that collectively cream their pants every time the McRib shows back up on the menu. We are a nation of very little attention span. We like shiny badges that we can wear to show off to our friends. Hence the ever-obnoxious "I Voted!" sticker that proves to your peers that you can, indeed, push buttons effectively. (Or whatever people do to vote now. I haven't voted since the presidential election.) And that's the whole issue with the "VOTE RIGHT FUCKING NOW" institution. It stresses action over preparation. Rather than advocate for an informed decision, it force feeds the idea that you just need to get your ass in there and do something.

And let's not claim hyperbole here. There is a very well-funded, and growingly sinister, campaign. Just this morning, I was assaulted by this little message on my Facebook. I imagine you encountered the same.

Should you click the blue box, it takes you to a screen that shows you your nearest polling station. "More Information," however, leads you to a page with a litany of supporting organizations that looks like the guest list for the popular kids table at Silicon Valley. 

And speaking of popular kids, the obnoxious aforementioned video with Lil John is the product of an organization called "Rock the Vote." A massive non-profit that has been around since 1990, Rock the Vote (RTV) has been "fusing pop culture, politics, and technology" for decades in an attempt to make voting sound just as appealing as buying a new iPhone or downloading a new Taylor Swift album. The idea is to make voting cool again for a millenial generation that dislikes doing anything that involves reading. And while I think the idea of getting kids off their asses is a great idea, I don't necessarily think dangling shiny objects and celebrity endorsements in front of their faces is the most efficient way of going about it. Sure, it gets the job done, but so would telling your kids that they get $100 for every day they get out of bed to go to school. 

Incentives are nice, but when they take the place of the actual important issues, it sort of discounts the message. We shouldn't be voting because it's cool; we should be voting because it's important. Furthermore, you shouldn't just be voting. You should also be educating yourselves on the stances that each candidate takes, his/her history, and which direction you think he/she will take our state/country in. It's not easy and it's not pretty. It's actually quite boring and grey. But if you actually want to make a difference and actually want to get shit done, I suggest you start getting used to looking past the pretty bow on top of the package. It's what's inside the box that's important, anyways.