Finding an object of derision is like finding your soul mate. You wade through a sea of unworthy candidates until you finally set your sights on the perfect match. Jon Stewart has CNN, I have the Rotten Appal. And while I wouldn't even begin to compare myself to the late night king, nor would I ever compare the Rotten Appal to a news organization as awful as CNN, I can't help but draw the comparison to some degree in order to illustrate how much shit I'm going to give this "humor" website over the next several months. Apropos to shit, it would seem the purveyor of poop has recently found a new muse. It's new bodily excrement that it seeks to capitalize off of is vomit. Yes, it's just as unfunny as poop was.
For clarity's sake and to provide a sort of disclaimer, making jokes concerning the various fluids and solids that exit our bodies is a perfectly reasonable way to approach humor. But it requires a modicum of savoir-faire, if you will. Merely tossing in a poop joke for the sake of garnering a 5th grade giggle isn't funny. In fact, it's irritatingly unfunny.
It is my sincere hope that the writers and staff members of the Rotten Appal stumble upon my humble little blog here. And, if all goes according to plan, they eventually will. You see, dearest readers, Wednesday is now dedicated to ruthlessly mocking the never-ending tide of god-awful jokes that spill out of the connoisseur of crap. Every week, the Appal will put out new content, and I will do my very best to tear it to shreds. While this is due in part to my perverse pleasure in tearing apart things I hate, it's also charity work. You see, the Rotten Appal has potential. Perhaps not it's current writers, but the publication as an entity has the potential to be a genuinely funny website. As the Statler and Waldorf to their Kermit, I will do my best to bluntly point out what is and isn't funny. If they're smart, they'll take my advice and work towards a better future. If not, they'll continue to put out trite and unfunny articles like "Top 10 Things Not To Include On Your Resume." (Also, lists are kinda my thing.)
In conclusion, while I hate everything the Rotten Appal currently is, and while my hump day updates will certainly be a reflection of that, I have hopes for the future. I am, after all, an optimist. If (and I mean if) I see improvement, I will be the first to admit it. But, until then, your banality and terrible jokes will be under my constant supervision, and I will have no mercy. Welcome to The Daily Wit.
Update: As I have been made aware that the writers of the Rotten Appal (or at least one of them) have seen my posts, I would like to send them an invitation to write a piece defending themselves which I will then post here on to my little blog, unedited. I am certainly an incendiary asshole, but everyone should have a chance to defend him/herself.
You may Facebook message me (James Chatham) your piece and I will throw it up on the blog immediately, if you so choose.
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