The Evening WTF: Obama Tries Really Hard

Welcome to The Daily Wit! If you're a veteran reader, welcome back. If you're just now arriving to the party, fuck you and your hipster shit. But welcome regardless. Today we look at news, the best sex tape ever, and a video that will leave you twitching. But before that, let's take a moment to admire our bodacious babe of the day.

For once, the picture is relevant. But we'll get to that later.

Weird: What the fuck did I just watch? 

You don't hear much about Norway. I suppose we should. It has a fantastic health care system and "practically free education" among many other things.  But despite its social leaps past countries like the United States, that's not what I find so fascinating about the country. My fascination lies far beyond the mountains of Scandinavia and deep into the heart of Norway. So deep that I found this fucking video. Watch it to the end and allow yourself some time to recover. 

I'm assuming you've watched it so: What the fucking fuck? I realize that the video is supposed to be Lonely Island-esque in its humor, but my god it's uncomfortable and weird. I'm not sure which disturbed me more, the old man in the rocking chair or the badly done CGI fox at the end making a noise that I am quite sure foxes do not make. I could go on and on about the strange experience that just occurred, but I believe one of the top YouTube commenters put it best: "that's it. too much Internet today." 

Topical: White House Tries Really Hard

In light of the recent Syria debacle, the White House has been receiving a lot of flak for being, well, war mongers. After receiving congressional support, Obama went on to assure the American people that this was the best course of action. They were not convinced. But this did not deter the President as he went on to do the only logical thing in an age of internet crazed millennials: he created a web page.  Alright, I'm sure HE didn't create it, but his assistants (read: lackeys) did. The website is supposed to be a source of information in order to convince the American public that invading Syria is the right decision. However, when the government that is desperately trying to justify its fuck ups (supplying weapons to rebels) presents you with "facts" and "statistics" there's a lot of room for skepticism. The whole thing stinks to high heaven and comes off sounding condescending and pandering. The entire page hinges on the very recent discovery that Syria reportedly used Sarin gas on its citizens. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. It's a perfectly reasonable conclusion, but pardon us if we'd prefer getting our information from somewhere other than the White House website. 

In other depressing(?) news, Ariel Castro, the kidnapper of several girls in Cleveland, hanged himself in prison before he could serve his plus 1,000 year sentence. He reportedly used a bedsheet to commit the act and was found on Tuesday night. On the one hand, a brutal monster has left the world, but there's some amount of justice that seems left unserved. He deserved to rot in solitary confinement for life after the years of torture he put those women through. But, alas, at least he will do no harm anymore. 

Funny: Alyssa Milano Makes Syria Sexy

On a lighter(ish) note, actress Alyssa Milano released a "sex tape" on the website, Funny or Die and....well, I'll just let you watch it and decide for yourself if it's the hottest sex tape to be released. You can find it here. Warning: The content within is of a sensitive nature and should be viewed with discretion. 

That's it for The Evening WTF, boys and girls! I'm slowly gaining back my blogging momentum but its a slow process. Bear with me and I promise The Daily Wit will return to its former glory. Until then, be sure to like and comment on my shit so that I know my content is being seen by all of your lovely faces. Also, take a minute to share my posts with your friends, family, and local poltergeists. The more faces that see my posts, the better. Until next time, my witty brethren!