Welcome to The Morning WTF! This is going to be the first recurring blog post as it garnered the most attention yesterday. I hope it continues to do so. To briefly explain, The Morning WTF is made up of three categories: Weird, Topical, and Funny. I scroll through my lovely little RSS feed every morning and pick out three stories that each fall under one of those categories and then I deliver them to you. Let's get started!
Weird: First the Bees, Now the Dolphins?
As revealed to the world by M. Night Shyamalan, the bees are dying and no one (scientists) knows why. But that's not the only animal that's apparently dying in troves. Along the East Coast and Virginia in particular,
dolphins have been washing up on shore, dead as Shyamalan's career.
It was reported that five dolphins washed up on the Virginia shore on Thursday alone and in July there were "nearly four dozen dead dolphins." (Both the greatest use of alliteration I've ever seen and a fantastic band name)
While most of these animals are being found in the southern Chesapeake Bay, there have been deaths reported up and down the east coast. Delaware, Maryland and New Jersey are among the states to have reported such deaths.
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| Not that things washing up in Jersey is news. |
So why are they dying? No one really knows for sure. Scientists in Virginia are saying the deaths are reminiscent of the mass deaths in 1987 that were
attributed to morbillivirus, a virus similar to the measles. Whatever the reason, workers are working their asses off and are underfunded despite donations, grants and contracts. Hopefully media attention will hasten their work and grant them enough donations to figure out what the hell mother nature is doing with our darling water humans. I just hope that Hollywood doesn't decide that this means that we need to be hit with another shitty movie.
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| The Happening: Even Vaguer Than Last Time |
Topical: Suicide Attackers Kill Civilians Near Indian Consulate
Taking a brief turn for the serious (and slightly more morbid), nine Afghan civilians were killed on Saturday in a
failed attack on the Indian consulate by three suicide attackers. Most of the victims were children.
In addition to the nine dead, it was reported that 24 bystanders received injuries, including a policeman. Consistent with the concept of suicide, The New York Times would like me to inform you that the three attackers are also dead. None of the Indian officials within the consulate were harmed.
Funny: An Apple a Day Keeps the iPhones Away
But enough of that sad shit, let's all have a laugh at the expense of someone else's stupidity! A 21 year old woman from Brisbane, Australia put an ad in the classifieds that said she was
interested in buying some iPhones. Because why have just one? When she received an offer, she proceeded to meet with a woman at a McDonald's where the soon-to-be hilarious woman gave her two iPhone boxes. The recipient failed to check inside the boxes, resulting in the following ordeal. Upon arriving home, the woman opened the iPhone Boxes to find an apple inside each.
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Yes, that kind of apple.
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Furious, that she just spent
$1500 on fruit she reported the crime to the police and, I imagine, became the laughing stock of Australia. Senior Constable, Jess Hopkin from the Upper Mt. Gravatt Crime Prevention Unit said what was on all of our minds: "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. It's really just common sense."
Yes, meeting a woman at a McDonald's and then handing her $1500 for two boxes without checking them is pretty stupid. But telling the world that you did so is even dumber. And for that, ma'am, we thank you.
That's it for The Morning WTF! What did you think of today's post? Leave a comment down below, like the page on facebook, tweet about it, and generally just rave about me to your friends. As always, thank you for reading and check in later today for more posts. There's more wit to come so stay tuned!
