Mother Ripped Off Son's Scrotum and Then Tried to Superglue It Back On

And today's award for cringe-worthy story goes to...

Jennifer Marie Vargas: mother, devoted wife, and mangler of genitals. After pissing off his mother, the 6 year old son of Vargas had his dangly bits torn as punishment. Realizing that tearing your child's balls isn't exactly normal behavior, Vargas attempted to remedy the situation by doing the only sane thing she knew: supergluing his scrotum back together. I'm not sure, but I believe this is the adult, un-Disneyfied version of Humpty Dumpty that The Brothers Grimm originally wrote down. (Citation pending)

Vargas's husband, a soldier stationed at Joint Base San Antonio, arrived home to find his son crying with bloody paper towels stuffed down his underwear. Upon closer inspection, he found that his son's scrotum had been partially severed and that there was a 4 cm-long tear and bruising. 

Men, you may take a moment to cry.

The FBI was notified (because scrotum injuries are serious shit) and Vargas was taken into custody. The affidavit states that Vargas admitted to inflicting the injury out of anger. Reading the last several sentences of the affidavit, its clear that even the FBI couldn't contain its disbelief at the utter stupidity of the situation. 

Vargas was charged with assault within maritime and territorial jurisdiction resulting in serious bodily injury and could face up to 10 years in prison.  Charges for crimes against mankind and possessors of scrotums everywhere are still being discussed by a special male jury made up of George Clooney, Chuck Norris, and Teddy Roosevelt's corpse. 

As for the poor child, he was rushed to a hospital and surgeons were able to repair the damage. But there are some things you just can't fix. We here at The Daily Wit salute your "trust of women" as it is laid to rest for the remainder of your existence.