The Morning WTF: Chris Kutcher Punk'd Us All

Happy Thursday, everyone, and welcome to The Morning WTF! The part of the show where we do the blah blah blah. We look at news, make fun of that news, and sometimes seriously report on important events. You get it by now. Let's jump right in with our classy lady of the day:

As the kids are saying, it's Throwback Thursday.

Weird: Ashton Kutcher Punk'd Us the Entire Time

The Teen Choice Awards has to be the worst event to ever go on television. At least the Academy Awards and the Grammys maintain some semblance of dignity. The TCA is just all out terrible. First off, why would you let a bunch of teenage girls who, for the most part, can't distinguish talent from good looks make choices? Secondly, why would you invite these people to an auditorium and let them scream at people on stage for a few hours? My theory is that they bottle up all the sounds of these little girls screaming and play them to help Dick Cheney sleep. However, I digress. The only reason this year's TCA was remotely worthy of my attention was because Ashton Kutcher made a really weird publicity stunt in promotion of his new movie, Jobs. To anyone with an understanding of marketing, it was just another day, another stunt. But to the Internet and teenage girls at large, it was an inspiring, captivating speech made to tell each and every one of them that they're special.

Now, I'm not saying you're not special (the universe is) but Ashton's speech is not where I'd derive that information. First off, his announcement that he was a fraud is pretty spot on. His speech was, after all, rife with fraudulence. But, before any of that, he revealed to the world that his name was actually Chris. Which is cool, I guess. But the amount of screams and absolute insanity that ensued after his reveal was fucking stupid. He's telling the world his name, not unveiling the cure for cancer. 

There's a point in Kutcher's speech where he says, "I believe that opportunity looks a lot like hard work." That, in itself, is an odd statement coming from someone who got his big break when he was 20 years old. But it's not only that statement that grinds my gears a bit. Later in his speech, he says that, "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart....Everything else is crap." This coupled with his statement about working hard are so very interesting considering his jump into acting started in the modeling industry. 

Pictured Here "Being Really Smart"

In conclusion, I suppose the speech had good messages but the mouthpiece used to deliver them was flawed and, I imagine, had intentions of publicity rather than world change. These generic speeches about loving oneself are straight out of the PR handbook and are used to hype someone up and make them endearing to the world. I don't have anything against Chris Kutcher, I just like to stomp on the dreams of teenage girls.

Topical: Death Toll Rises in Egypt

Yesterday, we here at The Daily Wit reported on the mass deaths happening all over Egypt amid clashes between the Muslim Brotherhood (in support of ousted president Morsi) and security forces (in support of the military appointed "president" Adly Mansour). Following the coup d'état in early July, members of the Muslim Brotherhood have been engaging in sit ins to protest the current government. But, as expected with a militant government, it usually ends in a whole lot of violence. According to The New York Times, that violence has just gotten even more out of control. The number of dead attributed to clashes between the protestors and police has skyrocketed to 525 with more than 3,700 people injured across the country. These attacks come after a statement by president Mansour that implores security forces to keep the citizens safe. Oh, Egypt.

But I would be remiss if I were to claim that the Muslim Brotherhood was a peaceful organization with pure intentions. There have been reports of dead police officers at the hands of protestors as well as several reports that protestors have been burning Coptic churches. This, of course, was quickly condemned by Muslim Brotherhood spokesman, Gedad El-Haddad via Twitter.

We condemn all attacks on houses of worships & condemn police treachery in leaving thugs 2 vandalise while focusing on killing protesters.
— Gehad El-Haddad (@gelhaddad) August 15, 2013

However, as I mentioned yesterday, regardless of whose side you support, the crisis in Egypt is worth staying up to date on. Please continue to educate and inform yourself as I am attempting to do. This shit may seem far away now, but it's only a matter of time before its effects will be felt here. (Oil)

Funny: John Oliver Eviscerates "Stop and Frisk" Policy

I am a huge fan of The Daily Show and I am sure that shows quite often through this blog. But ever since John Oliver took over, I sort of stopped watching. It's not that I dislike Oliver, I just didn't find him up to the task of sitting behind the desk. But that all changed when he unleashed a satire laced diatribe  against the controversial (read: stupid) "Stop and Frisk" policies that law enforcement in several major cities (Namely NYC) engage in. I won't spoil the video for you if you haven't seen it yet, but it strengthened my faith in John Oliver as both a comedian and a newsman.

That's all for today, folks. I've noticed my posts are getting more serious with every day so I'll try to counter that in the future by finding some lighter topics. I have just been rather eager to report the Egyptian riots lately as I believe they are worthy of attention. And, as someone with an audience, I felt a duty to aid in its publicity. But, my first job is humor ad entertainment, so I shall step up my attempts to bring both of those things to your computers. Please be sure to like, comment on, and share my content with your friends, family, and belly button lint and be sure to check in tomorrow for more wit, snark, and sacrilege.