The Morning WTF: Matt Damon's Friend Gets the Role of Batman

My hiatus has been long and terrifying for you, I'm sure. But have no fear; I am back and still capable of typing things in a witty manner. But, before we foray back into daily wit-dom, your bodacious babe of the day: 

To err is human; to Kerr is divine.

Weird: Matt Damon's Friend Gets the Role of Batman

Poor Ben Affleck. The man has directed several hit movies, won an Oscar, and generally been lauded as one of the greatest director-actors of our time and still the Internet hates him. But that's because the Internet has the memory of your girlfriend and remembers Affleck when he was a Matt Damn groupie and a Jennifer Lopez sex slave. But despite his tabloid past and his irritating Bostonian accent, Affleck has grown into his own in the past several years. Enough that he was recently chosen to be the next Batman. 

"Hi, I'm here to piss off the Internet."

Much to the delight of every wit-starved journalist on the planet who wanted to make a "Holy (Insert Shitty Joke here), Batman!" headline, Affleck was chosen to play the part of the caped crusader in the next Man of Steel movie with Henry Cavill reprising his role as Superman. So, what does this mean for Affleck? It means he has to fill some incredibly huge shoes. (Did you see the size of Bale's feet?) It also means that he has to fend off the Internet hordes who think that their comments are going to change the casting director's mind. Because nothing says reliable feedback like a grammatically jumbled comment you made on twitter. However, despite the defense Affleck deserves, it should be noted that the casting choice is still worthy of an ounce of skepticism.  The Christopher Nolan movies fundamentally shifted the way people view superhero movies. The incredibly dark atmosphere that Christian Bale brought to the trilogy will be juxtaposed against Affleck's affable demeanor. But that's not a bad thing. Affleck will have to pull it off just right in order to nail the role, though. And for that, we here at The Daily Wit give our full support.

Topical: Bradley and Chelsea Manning Fight for Media Attention

I debated on whether or not this story was weird or topical. On the one hand, a prominent figure in current pop culture suddenly switching his gender identification amidst a trial is awfully strange. But, on the other hand, the obsessive media attention the gender switch is getting is topical and worthy of discussion. Thus, I am not looking to justify Maning's actions or belittle his gender swap; rather, I am looking to question whether or not the media is handling his announcement responsibly. The answer is, as always, a resounding no. 

Chelsea Manning/Bradley Manning/The Artist Formerly Known as Whistleblower was recently sentenced to 35 years in prison for his disclosure of an assload of secret government shit to Wikileaks. Wikileaks, of course, being the brainchild of Julian Assange, journalist and greasy hair aficionado. Manning was acquitted of treason but found guilty on various other charges. These are facts we know. What do we not know? Probably what he leaked. Don't get me wrong; the information is out there and available to the public. (Warning: The video in the link is graphic. Watch at your own risk) But the media coverage of the actual information is (un)surprisingly sparse. Much like Snowden, instead of focusing on what was leaked, we are caught up in who leaked it. Because Snowden and Manning are people with stories and drama whereas the documents reveal a side of life that we don't want to acknowledge. They reveal that our country isn't necessarily fighting a black and white battle of good vs. evil. They reveal that our country's government is lying to us and doing so often. 

I won't downplay the importance of Manning's trial. His sentence says a lot about the state of our country and how we are going to handle whistleblowers in the future. But for his trial and his decision to become a woman to overshadow the far more important information that he made available to the entire world is media irresponsibility. Instead of knowing every detail about Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning, we should know every detail of the information they leaked to the public. But, unfortunately, that isn't news hype; it isn't something that the media can capitalize off of. Thus, it is up to you, good citizen, to do research for yourself. If you only look at one of the aforementioned articles, you will be infinitely better off than the majority of your peers. 

Funny: Louis CK Even Makes a Dead Guy Funny

Louis CK has a rare gift to say anything and garner a laugh. Much like Carlin, his comedy is less of a pandering act and more of a philosophical discussion of life and its funny little oddities. But one would think that when it comes to death, the least funny thing on the planet (next to airplane jokes), Louis would become somber and serious. Nah, he still makes me laugh. 

In the above video, Louis recounts a story to David Letterman of how he stumbled upon a dead body in the East River near lower Manhattan. The subject matter itself is all incredibly serious and sort of sad, but Louis manages to make is funny and you will eventually feel like a shithead for finding it funny. C'est la vie. 

That's it for today, my loyal readers and fans. I cannot guarantee that the next couple of weeks will see The Daily Wit back to its full strength, but I can guarantee that it will happen eventually. A vague promise, I know, but at least you have today's post to keep you warm. Read it, print it out, put it on your fridge and pray to it every morning. Do whatever it takes to cope with wit-loss. Also, be sure to comment, like, and share my shit with your friends, family, and mailman. (Or mailwoman, if you're in one o' them progressive towns) As always, it is lovely to deliver up to date news and wit to you, my friends and I look forward to writing for you in the future. Stay tuned for more wit, snark, and sacrilege.